Radical Forgiveness and Why You Should Try It

In efforts to be more candid, I must admit that this weekly writing challenge is getting harder and harder to keep up with. I write so much for my job and I really try to honor the space I've made for myself to write creatively. But these days it seems that there is so much unfolding in my life that I can't even really record all of these experiences. I've filled three journals since 2018 started. 20 blog posts. That's a lot of soul-baring, sharing and sore wrists from writing. But I gotta keep truckin'. 

How can I choose just one experience a week to pull apart and digest in a philosophical and engaging style? How can I expect those word-smithing juices to just start flowing during my scheduled Friday afternoons that I block out for writing? Am I just making things harder on myself? Can't I just sit down and write what's on my mind in that moment and hit publish? I can see my own academic perfectionism coming in to set fire to my creative freedom. Ah!

Three people this week have said to me, "Jane, you are way too hard on yourself."

MESSAGE RECIEVED UNIVERSE. 

So much happens in a week. My mind goes on all kinds of adventures. I run laps through the city every day. Then I sit. In meditation. And reflect on all of it. Observe all of it. With out judgement, but with compassion and wisdom. That's when the philosophy arises. I've always got 100 existential things on my mind. If you don't know me, now you know that. 

Gotta choose one thing to write about Jane. 

I recently read Don Miguel Ruiz's The Mastery of Love and of course, I am deeply inspired by it. He writes that our energetic bodies are riddled with poison from ego-driven traumas and grudges. And that we must forgive every one who has 'hurt' us or any one that we may have felt victimized by, so that we can begin to cleanse those infected wounds and heal. Just as importantly, we list those we need to apologize to and request forgiveness from. There are people out there we have treated poorly due to our own ignorance and suffering. Recognize that. Reconcile that. Clear old stagnant karmas through the act of radical forgiveness. 

As I return back into the body of Jane after a year of allowing another spirit to live inside my own, I'm becoming more aware of every feeling, emotion and physical response to the universe around me. I typically feel warm, happy and loving most of the day. Then I see something that reminds me of something or some one - oh, bad feelings, yuck. Lets name them: anger, resentment and even pettiness. What's up with that? I gotta figure this out. 

Radical Forgiveness. 

I got this fat bible when I had my first communion around 8 years old. I really loved that book. Less for the bible passages and more for the teachings at the beginning. Catholic teachings for pre-teens. I read every page of it. The biggest lesson I remember in that text book was to forgive every one of whom you feel any ill-will towards. Actively write them each a letter and forgive them, then let it go. And secondly, no matter what, always know that you are loved because the love of Jesus is always inside your heart. These two messages really stuck with me. I started practicing forgiveness at a very young age. I always remember how Pope John Paul forgave the man who attempted to assassinate him. 

Radical Forgiveness. 

I also have read one of the best self-development books of my generation by Sydney Campos called the Empath Experience. She speaks very seriously around this idea of forgiving every one in your life. She challenges her readers to really take the time to write down a giant list of every single person, thing, entity, industry and whatever you can think of that made you feel victimized or angry or betrayed. Then you actively forgive them all. Working through them one by one if you need to. She learned this from the 12 Step program as it is part of the 4th step. The step where you work through asking forgiveness and granting forgiveness as a way of cleansing your transgressions and reconnecting with the higher being. This felt like way too intense of a step for me while I was reading this book.

On the spiritual path, there are certain steps that we are afraid to take. Because we know they will show us too much of ourselves. So much that we aren't ready to see. That's when I think of my teacher's words: "Be Courageous. Everyday you wake up and you practice, with courage." Because I'm not just meditating, I'm facing my true self and my inner workings so that I can become a more authentic and compassionate human. I do this so that I can someday liberate all beings from the cycle of suffering. What I'm learning is that takes some damn serious bravery every day. I commit myself to the task years ago, so I've got to follow through. I have a responsibility much higher than myself to continue down this path. 

So I'm making the god damn list. 

(thirty minutes of journaling pass)... 

Guess what, it wasn't so bad! It wasn't as taxing as I thought it would be. I didn't get too angry, or worked up over anything. In fact, it was easy to observe all of those transgressions and see how rooted in emptiness every one of them were at the time. It was like a walk down memory lane - with a heightened awareness. It wasn't even a very long walk. Turns out I didn't feel victimized my that many people in my life. My list kinda ran out at #37 with WHITE NATIONALISTS which are nothing more than a group of overly privileged, seriously misguided and ignorant people that are suffering terribly. A lot of public school teachers and administrators were on the list. Shocker. A lot of boys who treated me poorly in high school were on that list. Girls who broke my heart and family members were the most painful ones on the list - they carry the most weight. The most 'poison' if you will. 

I can see where the work now needs to be done. I go through the list one by one, starting with the easy names. Visualizing their faces as I inhale their transgressions (and mine) and transmute that into loving light, exhaling that essence of light back onto them, from my heart center. 

I say, I forgive you _____' and cross their names off the list. Next. 

It's kind of exhausting, so I go slowly. Starting with the easy ones: the Vice Principal who shamed my for my body. The immature boys who harassed me physically and mentally. The team captain that totally pissed me off that one time at that one race.

Let that shit go. 

And so I did. It's a start. There are about 8 names/groups on this list that are in bold. That will take more than inhaling and exhaling. These names will take work like writing a letter and tearing it up. Writing a letter and sending it. Making a tough phone call to say 'I'm sorry' or even just to say, 'I forgive you and I'm moving on now.' I had a dream the other night that my high school crush walked into the bar I was at. My heart started racing. My palms got sweaty. I didn't know how to approach her and I felt like I had rewinded right back to high school. I woke up and though, wow, I gotta let go of some of this shit...

So, yeah, still letting go of my high school crush. Still dealing with family drama. Still mad at that one roommate from that one house. This is the shit I don't want to carry any more. But I can't just cross them off the list. I gotta work through it with mindfulness and intention. So hopefully this week's rant will inspire you do to the same. 

Radical Forgiveness.

Don't carry your transgressions. Forgive others. Send them love. Work through your emotional shit. Let go. Move on. You'll feel lighter, I promise. 

Thank you for reading. More to come soon. 

With love, 

Jane.