Deep Thoughts

I write this story with the intention of totally being real and vulnerable… My first night back in the states after a month of traveling, I woke up at 3:30am, with a full download of the story below already in my head. While I’m no longer in a monastery meditating all day, I’m still in a serious state of clarity, reflection and intensified self-awareness. I got out of bed and sat down to type. And all this flowed out of me before sunrise: I spent my last seven days in Nepal really working on something that I feel like has been holding me down my entire life. During my adventures overseas, these feelings just kept coming in, so hard like crashing waves that could almost ruin a whole day. I realized that there’s something I struggle with deeply, on a daily basis and made the intention to devote the rest of my time facing it and relinquishing myself from it. It’s called unworthiness. It is a dangerous emotion that can block abundance, gratitude and awareness of our blessin...

It is crazy to me that it's still September. Still the same month that I went my first Buddhist Retreat. Where layers of who I thought I was were shattered and cleansed. Where I got to know the little girls living inside of me, who were desperate to be recognized. Where the fucking pain in my knees drove me to tears every afternoon. Reminding me of the care that my sangha family gives when one is struggling. Also learning that I am responsible for my own well being. And that every one around me wants to support that. Still reflecting deeply on that experience. Still living it. So why not share? It's never too late to share a story. Recently, after our return, I was with my dharma sister at Dancing Cranes where we ran into a friend I had met in a yoga class. What a cliché, I know. She asked us about our retreat, we gave the usual response, it was great ! Every one asked about our retreat, thanks to the gorgeous photos we posted online. But we knew that mo...